It Takes Someone Special to be a Dad

21 Jun 2010 2 Comments

by Aprel Phelps Downey in Life, Parenting Tags: children, dad, father's day, fatherhood, fathers, Parenting

Today is Father’s Day. Along with celebrating our own fathers, we will also include husbands; father-in-laws; brothers; brother-in-laws; uncles; grandpa’s and any other male figure that served as a father figure in our lives. Some will have the luxury of visiting their dad today and personally telling him ’thank you’ for all the little things he does without question. Others will make a phone call to carry such sentiments across long distance miles to wherever dad calls home. For those who have lost dad to heaven today will be met with a heavy heart. Happy celebrations of other father figures in our lives serve as a bittersweet reminder that daddy is no longer here and ‘fathers day’ wishes must now be sent to heaven above in the form of prayer.

For me fathers day is a mixture of everything above. My husband is an amazing dad to our little 4 1/2-year-old girl. Although he happened to be out-of-town for this father’s day, others have been celebrated with him in our presence so we could shower him with love, hugs and simple tokens of affection. My father-in-law and brother-in-law live a long distance so wishes were sent across the miles. Sadly I did send two fathers day wishes to heaven today as well. This somber act has been part of my father’s day celebrations since I was a little girl. My daddy went to heaven when I was only 2 1/2 years old and my beloved poppy followed when I was 14.

If I could go back in time I would somehow stop my daddy from going to heaven before I even got the chance to know him. Next up would be keeping poppy here forever so that I could continue to create precious memories with a man who would give you the shirt off his back if he believed it would help you out. Of course I realize that this is an impossible feat, that there is absolutely no way to turn back time and prevent the things that happened even if those events brought pain and heartache into my life. Thankfully I have the ability to watch my husband with our daughter.

Seeing those two together always takes away my personal heartache and replaces it with a feeling of gratitude that my daughter does not have to experience life without her daddy. To her, her daddy will always be here. He may be miles away at times but he is never more than a phone call away. She knows that her daddy loves and supports her and is so proud of her he can’t stand it sometimes. There is no other replacement for daddy. She has no idea what life without daddy would be like. She is “daddy’s little girl” in every sense of the word. That little girl has her daddy wrapped around her finger and I would not have it any other way.

Today I got lost in thought about the process of becoming a father. To put it simply I think we are all aware that a large part of that process involves sex. Everyone knows the drill about two people coming together and how that act can produce new life in the world. That is what makes a father. Nothing more, nothing less. Sometimes there is no love involved in the act of a man becoming a father. For some men being called a ‘father’ is simply the words listed underneath the line they may or may not sign on a birth certificate. It can also be the words staring back at them in black and white on a court document such as a child support order. In these situations being a father ends with the act that produced that precious new life. When that act is followed with a phone call declaring them the father, they simply walk away and never look back.

In sharp contrast to this, there are the men who become fathers and have their lives forever changed. From the moment someone utters the words “I’m pregnant’, these men begin to daydream of images in the future where they are playing baseball with a son or teaching a daughter how to ride a bike. Their lives are filled with anticipation, hope and a sense of love unlike anything they have ever felt before. These men will someday hold their daughter’s hand as he walks her down the aisle on her wedding day. These men will teach their son how to cast a perfect fishing line and aim for a hole-in-one on the golf course. These men are ever-present in the lives of their children and for that they feel truly blessed. Some of these men will showcase these feelings for children who biologically are not their own, yet their love erases that technical aspect from the record books.

These are the men that we call ‘Dad’. There is a noticable difference between being a father and being a dad. Any man can become a father simply by becoming physically involved with someone. It takes someone special to be a dad. I feel very fortunate to have several men in my life that fall into this category. As this fathers day comes to a close I hope that each of you have at least one man who falls into this category as well!

Until next time ~ Cheers!

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